Geneva– Faced with the prospect of carrying an unattractive portrait of their President while protesting against everybody, supporters of the Eritrean state are calling for the President to undergo corrective surgery– specifically hair transplant.
His Excellency, the President of Eritrea, Isaias Afwerki, who has been losing his hair at the same rate his country bleeds refugees, has repeatedly refused the surgery on the account of his frugally spartan lifestyle.
“We’ve told the Embassy to do something about it”, said Ms. Tsehainesh Abebe, of Cologne, German. “But they don’t seem to understand the importance of looks to the UN bodies, if the President was to divert some funds from the Martyrs Fund and get a little over a million hair strands implanted, we’d be fine.”
Asked as to why she can’t use more charismatic old pictures of the President in the protest boards she often carries, Ms. Tsehainesh said that she’s tried, but her efforts are often marred by the traitorous opposition who seem to find uglier and uglier pictures of the President to take to their rallies.
Next Stop: New York
Eritrean supporters of the Government are taking to social media to call for their President to improve his looks in public, and stop poking his nose at the presence of cameras.
Ms. Tsehainesh’s call for the President to go under the knife comes right before Eritrea’s planned protest of its referral to the Security Council for alleged crimes against humanity. As such, Eritreans are repeating Ms. Tsehainesh’s call for the President to provide them a better looking current portrait that they can carry to the planned rallies in support of His leadership.
“I don’t understand why His Excellency keeps refusing going under the knife, ” said another perplexed government supporter, Mr. Gurja Gebremariam, ” we desperately need a more younger-looking President that we can parade around.”